When to CHANGE or ACCEPT who we are?

Yes I shouted it from the roof top because I truly want people to see their own goodness the way God created them purposefully and wonderfully.

But then there’s the bad. The parts that fuel negativity, fear and confusion and it badly needs a change.

So here’s the question, how does one decide whether or not to change something about yourself?

This might seem obvious but sometimes there is a danger where we think our “bad” parts ARE who we are. “I am like that one, so you need to accept me for who I am…” is what it might sound like.

But do not be mistaken, the insecurity or fear or anger, they are not your identity. God wants us to be MORE of ourselves by getting rid of the insecurity, the pride, the fear, the selfishness that weigh us down.

Sometimes, we may find ourselves accepting our bad traits as our identity, put a stop to it quick! Don’t let it be a habit. Change the narrative and rephrase the story we are telling ourselves.

For example, I struggling with anxiety and it’s a fact. But if I internalise this anxiety as part of my identity then my response may sound like “Oh I have such bad anxiety, I’ll never be able to do what you ask.” I start to lean on it like a crutch or excuse because I don’t want to change. I start accepting it as who I am because it’s comfortable.

Instead get excited about growing by getting rid of the things that hold you down. Don’t accept the entrapment that tarnishes your beauty, become who you are truly meant to be. As the saying goes, “The only way to fly is to get rid of all the garbage that’s weighing you down.” You are not your fear, nor your insecurity, nor your anger, nor perfectionism

Here’s where it gets tricky. Sometimes we intertwine a negative trait with a positive one. It’s a little bit like that age old interview question to share your weakness and instead of just sharing a weakness, you phrase it and pitch it like a strength. Like instead of admitting I am impatient, I say I have a low tolerance for inefficiency. While it may be true that I hate inefficiency but it doesn’t excuse impatience or a lack of empathy.

Another example could be one’s sense of humour and negativity. Maybe one has found a way to complain with a deprecating sacarstic sense of humour and that made people laugh but after a while, the negativity becomes suffocating. It may feel like it’s your trait, that this negativity is “your style”. But maybe it’s not and one can still bring humour to the table without putting something or someone down.

Are there some cases where we should not change who we are? Yes. And this where understanding your gifts and your personality come into play.

If there’s one thing I’ve learnt from personality write ups is that we are all wired very differently. Understanding that others are different help us not to be easily disappointed or offended and it also helps manage our expectations.

Everyone’s personality brings a different point of view that is very much needed in this world.

Just like in Jurassic World.
One rainy evening while we were watching Jurassic World, we started realising that the whole movie was a struggle between the Idealists who believed in the wonder of science and that the dinosaurs could be contained and the Realists who think that the dinosaurs were extinct for good reason.

In relationships, it’s important to bridge the gap in our differences but also understand the importance of the existence of our differences. Learning to accept our differences is neccessary even though it may feel uncomfortable when another party doesn’t agree with what we are thinking.

When we learn to accept that how we are designed has a place in the world, it allows us to accept others too. What we need to work on instead is how to communicate our differences in a way that others can understand. Or to fully embrace our gifts instead of trying to be someone else.

Learn more about yourself, take time to understand who you are and discover your gifts and strengths.

Don’t be afraid to admit to yourself if there is something that needs to change. But do so with kindness and empathy. In fact I encourage you to be courageous, no one is perfect but who we are called to be is awesome. So embrace it!

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