Overcome Infidelity

As I sit here this morning I realize that I’m on the journey of becoming. Becoming what I am not sure but I would like to think I am evolving into a better human being; a more well rounded person.

Everyday is an opportunity for yoga and meditation. In the practice of these disciplines I am able to break free of the pain I have.

My pain is a everyday, nearly constant from the moment I wake up until I go back to sleep.

I’m a single father of a toddler and my wife cheated on me and moved out.

For a long time I was infected by her infidelity like a virus. It was a sickness I couldn’t shake. I would vomit. I would cry. I would scream.

I no longer do those things but the pain of having not having my family or intimate partner is still in my body. My body feels the loneliness and the rejection. I go to work with no family. I come home to no family.

I sought peace instead of vengeance. I found peace in small pieces over time.

I realize I don’t need to be with someone that can quit our family so easily.

She wouldn’t go to therapy with me.

She wouldn’t let me vaccinate our son.

She would isolate herself with whine, cigarettes and television.

Her best friend says I should never take her back even if she asks to comes back.

My issue has been the shock of being cheated on. Rejection makes me want to hold on. I don’t want to let go.

I would never have put up with this type of behavior in the past from girlfriends. I would never have taken such blatant disrespect as the details of her affair came out.

I try and imagine the advice I would give to someone else if they were in my shoes.

I would tell them you need to run from her. She did you a favor. she’s an awful person. You need to get her out of your life as much as you can. This is a wonderful opportunity for you. You caught a lucky break, you don’t have to be stuck with her the rest of your life.

And I do want her out of my life. I wish I could cut her out completely. I wish I could find someone else right now but my thoughts always go back to my son. I want him to have his family together. I want us all to be together and it just breaks my heart. I want my wife to change. I want her to realize what we have. I want my son to have his mom and dad together. I want my son to have a happy family. I want my son to sit down at the dinner table and both of his parents be there.

It’s been eight months and I’m still trying to wrap my head around what is happened to myself and my family.

I hate it so much but there has been some good that has come out of it.

The bad habit of smoking and drinking in late night eating that my wife and I had together have stopped for me.

I thank the universe or God or whatever there is every day that I started yoga before my wife left me. Yoga has been such a huge help. I found meditation before this too. Mediation apps and good old fasion meditating with no aids have been such a huge help.

I also found out about The Wim Hof Method before my wife left. His story in documentaries are awesome, they’re fun to watch even if you don’t do the cold water and the breathing techniques.

But the cold water and the breathing techniques have really brought me to another level of humanity. I can handle the situation the old me would not have had the capability to handle.

The old me would not have had as much grace.

The old me would’ve been lost in despair.

The old me would bathe in depression every day.

So no matter what; I am at least very thankful that I am not the old me. I will take this tragedy and make it whatever kind of good opportunity I can. Whatever the universe will allow me, I will receive. Whatever I can do to help myself I’m going to try and do. Together me and the universe can be a cooperating force. I’ve always noticed that if you do the best you can, if you do the best you know how to do, things almost always work out no matter what the situation is.

It is a weird thing to hate my ex so much but also want her and my son together with me. It is a very strange thing indeed for me to want to love her but for me to be so disgusted with her, for me to want to sooth her pain and at the same time cast her into the desert of isolation that she deserves. No matter how this all plays out over my life time I want my ex to be healthy both mentally and physically. I want my son to be healthy mentally and physically I want myself to be healthy mentally and physically and if we do that under the same roof or not does it really matter?

“Take another little piece of my heart now baby.” Janis Joplin

“The knives of betrayal and drama cut deep and hurt… But they also trim away the nonsense and reveal your true friends.” Steve Maraboli

“Tragedy in life normally comes with betrayal and compromise. Trading on your integrity and not having dignity in life. That’s really where failure comes.” Tom Cochrane

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